Have you ever been so livid that you’ve had to let it all out and rant about it so much you feel like you’ll never stop?
There are definitely some positive effects to getting it off your chest. There can be an emotional release, and venting can help get rid of pent-up emotions, providing a sense of relief and clarity. It calms the limbic brain! The act of saying things out loud helps us to organise our thoughts, problem solve, and self-talk can be affirming and positive.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs and Brendtro’s Circle of Courage both list connection and belonging as a critical need. Venting can create an opportunity for validation and connection. Sharing feelings with someone who listens can make you feel understood and supported, strengthening your relationships.
Venting as a form of expressing emotions rather than suppressing them can also reduce stress levels. A support system or network is created and this provides a safety net.
Sounds like venting is awesome! So why would it ruin my day? Well, there are some pretty serious negative effects too.
Reinforcing negative emotions by repeatedly talking about problems without seeking solutions can increase negative feelings, drive stress levels and prolong emotional upset. If venting sessions don’t lead to gaining perspective or finding solutions, they could quite possibly extend emotional distress.
When we’re venting, we’re living in the ‘what’ and the ‘so what’ stage of reflection. During venting we describe the past or the ‘what’, that’s the experience of what happened, who was involved and the key events. We wallow in gap thinking.
The curriculum is overloaded and doesn’t reflect the state of need for students in my class. I can’t fit everything in.
The ‘so what,’ the present situation, is where we get stuck. We dwell on our negative feelings, going around in circles repeating the negative talk and why the particular situation is important to vent about. We validate the gap thinking.
I’m so overwhelmed. I can’t do my job. My students are not learning and I’m going to get in trouble.
We ruin our day by not moving to the future, or the ‘now what’. Our limbic brain keeps us in the ‘so what’ stage of the flight, fight, freeze situation where we feel threatened and at risk. The neo cortex can’t do its job of logical reasoning and language.
We all need a good vent buddy, but what’s a good one? Definitely not one that joins us and keeps us in the ‘so what’. A good vent buddy listens and acknowledges, they understand and believe. But, most importantly they make comments like, ‘That’s disappointing’ and, ‘I hear you, how frustrating.’ They ask questions like, ‘You’ve had success in this area before, can you tell me about that?’ and, ‘What’s one thing you can do differently tomorrow?’ They don’t get drawn into the venting and cycle of negative emotions, they look for the gain thinking.
A good vent buddy knows that we need to vent, but more so, that we need to look to the future, find things we can control and focus on these. They believe in useful thinking and know that the venting content is probably true, but it’s more useful to help identify what actions we can take to move forward. A better vent buddy knows that this is even more satisfying and emotionally supportive.
Check out other articles Candice has written here.