Folk who know me now can be surprised about what I was like as a kid.
The descriptions that my Mum would provide (in the most loving way, as only Mums can!) are awkward, nervous, risk averse, a little neurotic and terrible at making friends. I was a decent target for bullies and I endured my share of it.
“So, when did it all change?” and, “How the hell did you end up confident enough to appear on national television?” are the types of questions I’m often asked when I share the truth of my childhood self.
I’ve thought deeply about how to honestly answer those questions. And I think I can pinpoint the moment that it turned around. It was when my Dad dragged 12-year-old me, largely against my will, to cricket training at Delacombe Park Cricket Club.
At Delacombe Park I experienced three important events that led to improved confidence and self-esteem:
- Risk – this came physically when I was trying to survive a net session against a malevolent peer trying to hurt me with a cricket ball. It also came socially when I tried not to cry when I made a duck in a match or couldn’t hit the pitch while bowling.
- Failure – I learned, through real life experiences, to get over the moments where I fell short.
- Success – I learned that the people around me, such as coaches and parents, rarely put me in positions where I had no chance to succeed, or at least cope. I did hit the ball, survive the bruises and claim the odd wicket. The feelings of achievement generated by those moments were intoxicating.
My parents had done everything to help me prior to joining Delacombe Park CC. They’d coached me, mentored me, lectured me, encouraged me and also protected me. None of it was worth their significant investment.
You see, we don’t develop resilience and positive coping strategies by learning about them. It’s only via imperfect, adventurous and challenging real-life moments that we become resilient.
Your school is perfectly positioned as a place where students experience all manner of risk, within an environment where you’re the perfect safety net for risks that get out of hand.
What matters is just being that net when you are truly needed.
The rest of the glorious physical and social risks that arise between students are merely valuable learning experiences… and are none of your business.
Keep fighting that good fight,
P.S. Last week we hosted a webinar about transforming school culture through restorative practices.
We asked school leaders what’s slowing their school’s progress at the moment and the results ranged from student behaviour and teacher burnout to punitive mindsets and student engagement.
If this feels familiar, it might be time to consider a new approach.
If you’re a school leader and you want to chat about how a restorative approach can benefit your school, just book a chat with us here.
Want to subscribe to Adam’s Home Truths? Simply subscribe here.