‘All things must pass.’
George Harrison
As Term 1 rolls on I have been fielding a number of questions about managing the behaviour of parents, teachers, children and sometimes even our canine friends!
I’ll leave the dogs to the experts, although some of what’s about to follow would certainly be applicable to your dog.
It hasn’t come as a surprise that both parents and teachers (where the bulk of the questions came from) are feeling the early 2025 strain. When under pressure, we often go back to old habits and act in ways that don’t help the real problem and can actually add to the pressure. A recipe for disaster? You bet!
The general theme of all the conversations related to a common question. “Why won’t they just do what they are told?”
It is a question that teachers and parents have been asking themselves for hundreds of years. The solution has always been right under our noses, but under pressure we often revert to anger, frustration and intimidation.
Have you heard yourself saying, “If you don’t (insert clean your room, finish your work) you won’t be getting lunch/going to your friends!”
What a way to back yourself into a corner and leave yourself open to complete failure. You are doing things TO students/children and run the risk of open refusal, which is counterproductive.
There is another way. A way that recognises there’s a problem, holds those involved accountable and allows parents/teachers and the child to have a voice that places value on the health of the relationship.
It might not make all involved feel great and nor should it, but it will make them feel supported, engage them in finding a solution to the problem and hold them accountable for their actions without destroying relationships.
That’s where the magic happens because we are working WITH those involved to make things right.
The WITH approach comes straight out of the Restorative Practices playbook and has the repair and healing of relationships at the centre of its objectives.
Those involved take responsibility for their behaviour and its impact, and are encouraged to be part of the solution. They are also helped to understand that the best people to fix the problem are the ones in the problem, as long as they have appropriate support and a consistent process.
Conflict happens, and we need to be comfortable with that, but we reduce the frequency when we make sure we right the wrongs and repair the harm together. By reflecting on what happened, repairing the damage that has been done, we reconnect and strengthen the relationship with all those involved. After all, it will be the quality of the relationship that will count when things go wrong (and they will).
Self-control and awareness of others is developed over time. Part of what we are supposed to do at home and school is develop these skills, ensuring that children and adults are aware of the impact their behaviour has on others. It takes time, and often when under pressure we go to short term solutions that involve threat and intimidation because we can’t see how this behaviour will possibly stop without it.
But when was the last time you got an effective, long-lasting result from this type of response? Is it worth trying something different? Something that strengthens relationships, creates powerful learning opportunities and develops emotional intelligence?
New approaches often don’t work because when they fail once, they are deemed to never work. We can’t see that the challenge in front of us could pass more quickly with a new approach. A new way of doing things requires a ‘Consistent, Persistent and Insistent’ approach and a recognition that change takes time. What have you got to lose? It worked on my dog Jimbo!
Enjoy 2025 and be ready for the bumps that are certain to come along, lean you’re your relationships to help create better outcomes, celebrate your successes and let your failures provide room for growth.
