I’ve always had an aversion to the fostering of pride in young people. To me, it seems that our ongoing insistence that young people should feel proud of themselves only when they either win or merely for the ability to draw breath is counterproductive.
This misses the point on pride and its link to developing healthy self-esteem, which is that we should be proud of our efforts rather than our results.
Even worse is when we become proud of behaviours that are harmful to others. And it’s at this juncture that I’ve become most concerned for our boys.
Research tells us that boys and men can easily become proud of their anger because it aligns with societal notions of strength and status (Timmers, Fischer and Manstead 1998).
Furthermore, cultural norms, including some of the putrid masculinity role models that our boys access online, influence the expression of anger, noting that men often use anger to assert dominance (Fischer and Evers 2011).
This adds up to boys feeling more authentic pride in even their most violent and rage-filled outbursts than ever before. And while this behaviour projects strength and status, it also destroys mental health, poisons relationships (pushes others away) and accelerates male suicide rates.
Schools aren’t alone in the fight for our boys’ consciences on this one, but they can make a decent difference too.
Your influence in helping boys feel remorse for hurting others, but within an environment that practices personal restoration and responsibility, is so important.
Or you could just punish them and deal with anger, pride and then also the shame that results from such practices.
Doesn’t sound like much fun to me, but I suppose it’s up to you.
My suggestion is to normalise feelings of anger in our boys (and not just our boys) and to habitualise better responses to it than those suggested by dirtbags like Andrew Tate.
Keep fighting that good fight,
P.S. I’ve written a second edition of my book, Restoring Teaching, with updated content and new resources and templates to help you implement restorative practices in the classroom.
And it’s available in new formats, including for eReaders and audio (read by yours truly!).
P.P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are a few ways I think we can help:
1. Join the Student Behaviour PhD
The biggest challenge teachers face is managing student behaviour, and we can help. Join our online program, and nail this once and for all. Click here.
2. Book a School Culture Strategy Session
If you’re a school leader, the most important job you have is to lead the culture of your school. We’re here to help. In 30–45 minutes we’ll help you create a vision for your school culture, make some critical decisions and document your action plan. Click here to book.
3. Work with us in a School Culture Partnership
This is our bread and butter. It’s what we’re famous for. It’s not a program, it’s a true partnership, where we work side by side with you for three years to transform the culture of your school. Let’s make a time to get to know you and your school, tell you about how we work, and see if it’s a fit. Just hit reply and say, ‘Let’s chat.
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