I caught the second half of a segment on breakfast TV this week where an expert was being interviewed about keeping safe at Schoolies Week. She had tips for parents and for school leavers themselves navigating this controversial rite of passage.
I must admit, a wave of anticipation and dread cursed through my body as I realised that in a few short years, I will likely be a facing the reality of my eldest wanting to undertake some sort of celebration to mark the end of his secondary education.
The expert’s advice was commonsense and sounded simple in theory.
Stay with friends you trust, go somewhere crowded and brightly lit if you feel unsafe, look for the volunteers who are there to help you. And for parents, have the chat about drinking and drugs well in advance and remember we were young once and have all made some decisions that weren’t our best in retrospect. Try to be open and non-judgmental, let your teen know you trust them, and are there to support them if things go wrong. After all, we all make mistakes.
It was these final remarks that brought home to me so clearly that as parents and as educators we really do have one goal in common when raising and educating today’s kids. To give them the skills and knowledge they need to navigate life, to fill up their metaphorical backpack with traits like resilience, empathy, and good decision-making skills, and then to get right out of the way. Because we are not always going to be there to hold their hand, watch out for them and guide them on the right path.
We can’t go to Schoolies with them (ha-ha, imagine!) We don’t get to make the big life decisions for them. As parents, and as teachers, we get a certain amount of time to work with our kids to hopefully help turn them into really good citizens. And then the rest is up to them.
There is a bit of an interesting trend in education now however, to micromanage our students’ decision making and behaviours, which feels counterintuitive to me. Enforcing how kids line up, enter and exit classrooms and when and how to speak all require a high level of energy, effort and control on the teacher’s behalf.
While I am in no way opposed to students moving about the school in an orderly fashion, and I certainly understand the positives of a good routine, when this hinges on the teacher doing exactly the same thing in the same location to elicit the desired result, I get a little nervous.
I want our students to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. I want them to understand that when they yell in the hallways and come late to class it impacts themselves, as well as others who are trying to teach and learn. I want them to answer questions because they are engaged and invested in what we are learning, not because their name was called out on a pop quiz.
I want them to make mistakes and to own it and commit to cleaning up the mess. And most of all, I want them to make good decisions when we’re not looking. Because we won’t always be. There will come a time where our kids need to make important decisions on their own, and I want to give them the gift of being able to ensure they have thought before action.
I spoke to a good friend the other day who is a few years further along the parenting journey than me. Her eldest is has been studying in Melbourne this year and is about to travel to overseas with friends. Her second child just finished school and is moving to Queensland for university.
I told her that to me, this just proves what great parents her and her husband are. She joked, “Why? Because our kids don’t want to live anywhere near us?!”
Yes, I replied, exactly that. You’ve given your kids all the grounding and now they are off doing exactly as they are meant to, living their own lives. Trying new things, making mistakes and knowing they always have a secure base to return to.
And, I added, you now have some great places to go and visit for holidays.
Just stay away from Schoolies Week!
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