Most of the conversations we hear between students aren’t really conversations at all. They’re quick, surface-level exchanges or the social equivalent of, “Hey” and “What’s up?”, which are almost always met with, “Good,” regardless of whether that’s even remotely true.
We’ve normalised the shallow interaction, and then we act surprised when relationships lack any real substance.
Part of the issue is that we haven’t really taught students how to do anything different. We assume that conversation is natural, that curiosity will just emerge and that connection will take care of itself. But like most things we value in schools, the quality of a young person’s interactions is shaped by what they’ve been shown, what they’ve practised and what has been expected of them over time.
This is where restorative practice offers something far more powerful than it’s often given credit for.
At its core, it leans heavily on questioning as a discipline. It models a way of engaging with others that is curious, deliberate and designed to understand before it seeks to respond. Over time, that way of interacting becomes familiar to students, and importantly, it becomes transferable.
Because once a young person gets used to being asked thoughtful questions, they become more capable of asking them.
They begin to move beyond the stock-standard greetings that go nowhere, and into conversations that actually reveal something about the other person. They learn how to show interest, how to invite someone to share a bit more of themselves and how to keep a conversation going without it feeling forced or performative.
That doesn’t just help in moments of conflict. It helps everywhere.
It helps a student who doesn’t quite know how to join a group. It helps the one who wants to build a friendship but doesn’t have the language for it. It helps the many who default to silence, not because they don’t care, but because they don’t know how to start. It helps in job interviews and in connecting with older people.
The schools getting this right aren’t leaving the developing of this life skill to chance.
They are deliberately modelling and reinforcing the use of questions that move conversations forward and a bit deeper, whether that’s in the playground, the classroom or in more challenging moments. They are treating conversation as a skill to be developed, not a trait to be assumed.
And the impact is noticeable.
Students become more confident in social situations, more capable of navigating difference and more willing to engage rather than withdraw. Teachers spend less time managing the fallout of poor interactions, and more time working with students who are able to resolve things with a bit more maturity.
It’s a small shift on the surface, but it compounds quickly.
When students learn to ask better questions, they become better connected. And that improves just about everything else we’re trying to achieve in schools.
Keep fighting that good fight,
P.S. We’ll explore this further in the Building Better People Project, where every participant also receives a bunch of practical tools including the 90-Day Culture Reset Planner, the Leading Culture Conversations Pack and the Humanity-Inclined School GPT. I’ve designed them to help you turn meaningful conversation into meaningful cultural change, so you can go back to your school with a clear plan.
Workshops will run across Australia, NZ and online.
Explore more, and register here.
Want to subscribe to Adam’s Home Truths? Simply subscribe here.