As a teenager, my mates and I had a playful attitude towards life. We’d make up stupid games and play along, for nothing more than a laugh. One of those games was called, ‘Deal with it’.
Yep, ‘Deal with it’ had elements of risk. And sometimes the group would overrule the running challenge when things got unsafe. Our playful motivation was always the same, looking for the upside of discomfort.
Here are some actual examples of our silly creativity:
- Flicking the AC from ‘Low’ to ‘High’ on a road trip in the middle of summer until someone cracked a window. We collectively called this one off for safety when the driver, stubborn as we were, admitted he was starting to struggle with concentration.
- Standing as tall as you could, arms outstretched, unable to move or brace for impact as the biggest wave of the day rolled through while you happened to be waist deep in the impact zone! This one was a group favourite.
- Having a fresh chilli wiped around the rim of your beer, so you knew your mouth was going to burn a little with every refreshing sip. Another regular go to.
The game was simple. All you had to do was see a funny opportunity and challenge your mate(s) by uttering three commanding words: ‘Deal with it’.
There were times when some challenges created tension and tested friendships, but we were always stronger for it. But reflecting on those great times also got me thinking about the power of language, and the idea that, “Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes,” (credit to Cher for this 80’s wisdom).
It wasn’t the challenges or tensions that stayed with me… It was the word deal and my realisation, as a Principal, how often I was using that weapon at school:
- “We’ve got to deal with this parent.”
- “I’ve spent all morning having to deal with behaviour.”
- “I don’t have time to deal with this.”
‘Deal’ for me is a word that carries negativity. I feel like it’s something imposed on you, something you must do and something to struggle with while doing it. So, as a Principal, I made it my mission to stop using it. I committed to using the word “Manage” instead.
For years now this has been a helpful nuance:
- I no longer deal with disgruntled people; I manage misconceptions.
- I don’t deal with student behaviour; I manage learning opportunities.
- I refuse to deal with shitshows; I manage situations.
I know it’s semantics, but the shift is both relational and rewarding. It’s like the ownership mindset of shifting from. “I have to,” to, “I get to.” It puts you in the driver’s seat (with the AC on ‘Low’). It helps you keep a cool head, and work through challenges productively.
So, here’s my encouragement. Playfully look for the upside of discomfort and take up the challenge of replacing the word “Deal”, with the word, “Manage”.
The courageous consequence; you’ll benefit from playful productivity, but you’ll also never be able to use the word ‘deal’ again…
Deal with it!
