We are hard-wired to see the negative. It’s not because we’re pessimists—it’s biology. It’s our human brain working overtime to keep us safe. In fact, research shows that 6 out of 7 times, our attention is drawn to what’s going wrong.
Whether it’s the handful of students disengaged in a lesson, or the same old arguments erupting in the playground—we’re right there in the thick of it, hyper-aware. You could say we’re almost on the lookout for conflict. For wrongdoing. For chairs tipping, voices rising, eyes rolling.
And when we see it?
We pounce.
We call it out.
We don’t hesitate:
“Stop swinging on your chair!”
“Don’t speak to me like that!”
“Don’t you start again!”
But here’s the thing—don’t’s don’t work.
In fact, they can do the opposite.
When we use “don’t” language, we accidentally prime for the very behaviours we’re trying to avoid. We plant the idea, we give it airtime, we shine a spotlight on it.
Take this example:
After a lunchtime soccer disagreement, we say,
“Now I don’t want to hear about any more drama out there!”
“And I don’t want to see any more slide tackles, okay?”
And what happens? Cue drama. Cue slide tackles.
Because we’ve just made it top of mind.
So what’s the alternative?
We flip it.
We talk to the behaviours we want to see.
We hold back from jumping on the negative and instead, prime for the positive.
In a classroom, when two students are off-task—talking, calling out, fiddling—there are probably 28 others doing exactly what you’ve asked.
Call that.
A class-wide prime:
“I appreciate everyone’s focus here—let’s lean in together.”
“One voice at a time—let’s hear from XXX.”
Or a table-level cue, using calm tone and presence:
“I respect the way you’ve all got started here—let’s all do our bit.”
This isn’t about ignoring poor behaviour. It’s about where we place our attention.
The students not yet engaging get the message—without the showdown.
No need for sarcasm, threats, or grand performances. Just a simple redirection by noticing what’s going well.
And priming doesn’t need to be loud or dramatic.
In Kindy, it might be a theatrical:
“Ooooh I love the way everyone’s sitting soooo beautifully.”
In senior school, it looks different. Less sparkle, more real talk:
“Thanks to those already on task—it makes this go smoother for all of us.”
What stays consistent, no matter the age?
Relationships.
Your voice. Your presence. The trust you’ve built.
When you lead with belief in your students, and language that lifts, the culture follows.
And when taken to scale across a school, these small, intentional moments shift classroom climate.
And let’s be real—priming isn’t just for school.
It works at home too.
I travel a lot for work, and I’ve learned that if I send a message like:
“Looking forward to coming home to a tidy house ”
or
“Appreciate dinner being ready when I get in ” to my adult children,
…it sets up everyone for success (and saves me from walking in the door already annoyed that there’s pasta stuck to the benchtop and a laundry pile blocking the hallway).
It’s not manipulation—it’s just a gentle nudge toward better outcomes.
Because let’s face it—no one wants to come home to a messy house or a cold dinner… and that includes your students when they walk into your classroom.
Let’s keep priming for the world we want to walk into.
