I am really proud of my boys (hubby included)!
They’re smart, curious, considerate partners, careful planners and critical thinkers.
We are all constantly learning together, and in the last few weeks our eldest son has faced interesting challenges……. the highs of completing the probationary year with work and the excitement of a permanent appointment.
Hard to stay on the High Road when that appointment is to one of four extreme remote locations!
Immediate responses from all of us – the limbic bus was pumping with the full range of emotions.
Me: Some affective language to co-regulate; some genuine attempts to keep the glass half full, to flip the script, to find the upside, (“The universe has something grand planned”); deconstructing the pros and cons; trying to understand ‘why him?’ and overtalking the opportunities.
Anger that moving out of home was happening to him – he was missing out on the excitement about deciding where he wanted to live, finding a place, buying furniture, creating his own little pocket of the world.
Frustration with comments from others that diminished my feelings as a mum; judgement, and even worse, complete disinterest – a lack of empathy that was a shock to my soul. Nothing predictable about human behaviour, right! And a realisation that the circle is smaller than I thought!
Him: Shock, anger; lots of Low Road assumption and reaction. Exactly as you’d expect!
In the midst of it all, my earth tilted a little when he said, “You know what mum…? Sometimes it just sucks! I don’t want the positive flip; I don’t want solutions; I don’t want to understand – I need to be in this right now; I’m allowed to feel hopeless.”
Acceptance – it is OK to feel the entire spectrum of human emotion!
It needs to run its course.
That’s what being resilient is all about – the bounce back!
Then we get curious – he seeks advice, he collects information, we road trip – a nine hour drive on long straight roads where we lost the horizon, dodged the roos, the cattle, the emus. Two hours meeting the team and exploring the town; nine hours back home.
The people we met are awesome and some silver linings are obvious. Plans start to fall into place.
Then the limbic bus returns again!
Housing availability uncertain.
Expensive satellite set-ups that don’t work well – hard when your side business is software and game design.
Start date in three weeks.
Minimal systems support.
Fuel crisis.
Deep breathes all round! Co-regulation constantly.
How do we prime for success?
Who knows what stored responses will be needed…… some can be anticipated and preloaded; some will form through lived experiences.
Affective language/interactions discussed, practiced, planned for.
He loads the car with clothes, work gear, groceries (no house to go to = less to move – for now).
He also loads fishing rods and mining gear – may as well explore when he can!
There is more to sort out and he has got this! We have got this!
I am proud of my son!
