During my work as an Expert Facilitator with Real Schools, there are a few things I am keenly aware of when I step into your classroom:
- These kids don’t know me.
- I don’t know these kids.
- My job is to model practice – not escalate kids.
- It can go either way – successfully or down the toilet rapidly.
- Teachers, often multiple, are watching.
- I need to stay in the restorative lane even as things come crashing down.
Last week I was in class teaching. There were five kids who were, to put it plainly, going off. It is never just one as we all know. There was the ‘main character’ and the others were following his lead. Typical stuff. Loud. Obnoxious. Annoying. These kids were making it hard for everyone else and the class were frustrated.
I stepped in and said, “Mate, I am pretty disappointed with all of the calling out.”
And then I waited.
I was holding him to account, gently, for his behaviour.
People don’t love that.
Whether they’re five or fifty.
He looked around the room and announced:
“Hands up who hates Cassie!”
Then followed it with:
“Fuck off, Cassie.”
Something many of us have encountered. I didn’t bite though.
Just looked. He had a big grin on his face and I smiled back.
Now.
Did his behaviour magically improve?
No.
Did I yell, carry on, or give him the explosion he was hoping for?
Also no.
I looked at him and said,
“Mate… did you want me to cry?”
His face.
Stunned.
And while his behaviour didn’t change then and there, he did receive an important piece of information:
Sometimes the reaction kids want most…
is exactly the one we aren’t going to give.
Because behaviour is always communication.
And sometimes what sits underneath the words is a test:
Can I pull you into this with me?
Can I make you lose it too?
Do I have the power to shake the relationship?
Boundaries still matter. Accountability still matters.
But so does emotional steadiness.
Because when adults stop auditioning for the role of co-star in the chaos, something important happens.
Kids learn they can be upset, angry, frustrated, even wildly inappropriate…
…and we can still stay grown up.
Check out other articles Cassie has written here.