I once worked with an Assistant Principal called Sarah in a tough, low socio-economic school.
Sarah was fiercely loyal to her staff. If a teacher sent a student to her, Sarah had their back. Completely. The way she showed that support was by giving students an absolute roasting when they crossed the line.
And to be clear, she was world class at it.
The problem wasn’t her intent. It was that over time, Sarah realised the practice she’d perfected no longer matched what the school needed. The evidence was there. The outcomes weren’t improving. The students weren’t growing. And her response, while cathartic in the moment, wasn’t changing anything that mattered.
What made this hard was not what she needed to change. It was how.
Sarah worried that if she stopped tearing strips off kids, her staff would feel abandoned. That changing her approach would be interpreted as withdrawing support, not strengthening it.
So, she made her big pivot publicly.
She told the staff where she was heading and why. Then she did something extraordinary. She put ten minutes aside for every single teacher in the school. One-on-one conversations. No rush. No defensiveness. She explained how her practice would change and negotiated, with each teacher, how she would support them differently.
Sarah carried some regret about the years she’d spent using practices she no longer believed in. But she shouldn’t have. What she demonstrated instead was intellectual integrity. She looked at the evidence in front of her, not the habits behind her, and chose the future anyway.
It’s far easier to tweak around the edges than it is to turn around completely. It’s far safer to justify old practices than to admit they no longer fit your context.
But great leaders don’t mine the past for comfort. They change their minds when the data demands it.
Sarah didn’t lose any credibility that year.
She gained it, because nothing builds trust faster than a leader who is brave enough to say, “What I was doing made sense once. It doesn’t anymore. And I’m choosing better.”
That’s not weakness. That’s leadership.
Keep fighting that good fight,
P.S. Most behaviour issues I see in schools aren’t really behaviour problems at all.
Often, it’s shame.
When shame is triggered, people don’t reflect – they protect. They withdraw, blame, push back or shut down.
Students do it. Staff do it. Parents do it.
In this workshop, I’ll show you how to spot those moments and respond in ways that de-escalate situations and protect relationships.
The Shame Responsive School Online Workshop
2pm AEST on Tuesday 12 May 2026
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