As a teacher and leader, I loved using ‘Have You Filled a Bucket Today?’ to teach the idea that we all carry invisible buckets – filled with positive words and emptied by negativity. It’s a simple but powerful analogy that helps us understand the impact our words have, reinforcing that “sticks and stones” isn’t really true – words DO matter.
When we give affirmations like, “I noticed how many goals you kicked today – impressive!” Or, “Thanks for grabbing my lunchbox while I was gone,” we not only fill someone else’s bucket, but our own as well. It builds connection and strengthens relationships.
On the flip side, negative comments like, “That’s a stupid answer,” or “I’m sick of that kid,” doesn’t just dip into someone else’s bucket – it drains ours too. Feedback matters, but how we deliver it can build or break the relationships we have with our students, families and colleagues.
Filling our own bucket is just as important. As acclaimed life coach Mel Robbins points out, “We need to let happiness in.” Recognising and overcoming negative self-talk is key to mental wellbeing. Helping students (and adults) reflect on their strengths, what they’re proud of, and what they’re grateful for supports positive self-esteem.
Bucket filling isn’t innate – it’s learned. Our students watch us from the front door of our school community to the back – language is the culture of our school. When we become aware of how our words affect others, especially when they’re not in the room, we can consciously choose to protect and uplift all of those in our school community.
So, let’s fill more buckets – and avoid poking holes.
Tips to Fill Buckets (Not Dip Into Them):
- Use affective statements that combine behaviour with feeling:
“I love how you started your work promptly.”
“I value how prepared you always are.”
- Describe events instead of people, and approach negativity with curiosity:
“That was a challenging lesson,” instead of “Those kids were naughty.”
“Her tone came across as sharp in that meeting – I wonder what’s contributing to that,” instead of “She’s rude!”
- Have a few stored responses for when you encounter self-bucket dipping:
“I can’t teach Year 7.” / “You’re still finding your rhythm.”
“I always mess up.” / “Everyone makes mistakes, that’s how we learn and grow.”
“I’m not a good parent.” / “Every parent feels that way sometimes, the fact that you care shows how much you’re trying.”
- Take time to reflect on your self-talk – not for judgement but for adjustment.
- Have a focus on sharing affirmations as you work around your check-in circle
If you’re interested, the book, Have you filled a bucket today? by Carol McCloud is available here.
