I watched a Principal do something brave in a parent meeting once. It wasn’t a confrontational or provocative type of bravery. It was more assured than that.
The school had been under pressure from this parent for months. Relentless emails demanding individual adjustments. Meetings about exceptions to rules. Complaints framed as advocacy. Staff were bending hard and still being told it wasn’t enough.
The usual options were deployed by the school leaders. Language was softened and promises of more flexibility were made. Pressure on the parent was eased again… and again.
But in this instance, the Principal changed the conversation.
She pushed her laptop aside and said calmly, “I need to explain how this school works, and why.” She acknowledged individual need straight away, then drew a line.
“This school isn’t designed to tailor itself to every individual preference. It’s designed to work well for all children, together. That’s not a limitation. That’s our strength.”
You could feel the room shift.
She explained that predictability, shared expectations and consistent responses are what make students feel safe. That fairness isn’t bespoke treatment, it’s about knowing what will happen next. That fragmenting a school to meet every individual demand weakens trust rather than building it.
Then she said the sentence that landed with a thud. “When we preserve the collective, your child benefits more, not less.”
She spoke about staff capacity and sustainability. About why adults doing the same thing in the same way isn’t laziness, but care. She didn’t apologise for boundaries. She explained them.
I know this wouldn’t be the case with every parent, but this particular subject relaxed. The emails slowed. Her tone changed and conversations became cooperative instead of transactional.
The relational trust didn’t grow because the school gave more. It grew because the school was clear about what it would deliver. This Principal made promises she could actually keep.
Keep fighting that good fight,
P.S. I know student behaviour is one of the biggest sources of stress in schools – and it wears good people down. If you want something practical to steady your thinking and responses early in the year, our Student Behaviour PhD kicks off again in 2026.
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