I’ve been using the phrase “falling short” a lot with schools lately.
It seems to resonate. It gives educators a way to talk about moments where students fail to reach expectations without immediately labelling them or escalating things. But beneath that phrase sits something far less simple than it sounds.
Falling short often feels far worse to the student experiencing it, who didn’t buy our naff posters about FAIL just being a vomitous acronym for ‘First Attempt In Learning’.
Falling short often arrives as an acute sense that something has gone wrong and that they might be the problem.
In other words, it shows up as shame.
That shame can come from different places. Sometimes it’s internal, where a student knows they’ve let themselves down or failed their own/family code. Other times it’s more public, where they feel they’ve fallen short of what their class, their teacher or their school expects of them.
Either way, it hurts.
And when it’s not dealt with, it lingers and drives the ensuing behaviours. It leads to withdrawal, deflection, bravado or escalation, all of which are attempts to move away from that discomfort.
This is precisely why many schools struggle with recidivist behaviours in a handful of students.
We spend time working out how the student fell short, who is responsible or what consequence should follow. We analyse, debate and respond, all while the underlying issue settles in.
It’s a bit like a stain on a white t-shirt.
We can argue about where the stain came from or whose fault it is. We can even debate which stain remover is best. Meanwhile, the stain is setting.
The schools that handle this best don’t ignore those questions, but they don’t let them dominate the response either. They understand that when a student has fallen short, the most important thing to address is the impact of that moment and the feeling behind it.
They get busy removing the stain with the people and resources nearby.
In restorative schools, this is deliberate and repeated often enough that it becomes cultural. Students learn that when they fall short, the expectation is not that they will be labelled or pushed out, but that they will face it, work through it and move forward.
This interrupts the point where shame becomes identity. It prevents a moment of failure from becoming a story a student tells about themselves and it keeps them connected to the people who can help them grow.
Over time, that changes how students respond.
They become more willing to own mistakes, less likely to hide from them and more capable of repairing the impact they’ve had. It’s not because expectations have been lowered, but because the path back from falling short is clear.
We don’t need lower expectations in schools. But we do need to get better at what happens when students fall short, because that’s where the golden opportunities for authentic social and emotional growth are hiding.
If we keep focusing only on how the stain got there, we’ll miss the opportunity to remove it.
And in the meantime, the stain sets in.
Keep fighting that good fight,
P.S. Season 3 of my podcast starts with a conversation that takes some courage to get through. It certainly took some of mine to participate in it.
In this episode, an amazing teacher named Anita Olegario of Berrima PS in NSW shares the story of losing her son Brodie to suicide. Anita explains how that experience has changed the way she sees, understands and supports young people who are struggling.
It’s a conversation about grief, humanity, connection and what kids are often hiding deep down in their souls – perhaps especially our boys.
I’m honestly so grateful to Anita for trusting me with her story.
Content note: This episode contains discussion of youth suicide and grief. Please take care of yourself while listening in.
Want to subscribe to Adam’s Home Truths? Simply subscribe here.